Lately, I have been seeing a particular question trending on different Facebook groups and pages, and the kind of responses youths are giving to the question. The question is

“Ladies, can you marry a man you have never had sex with?”

I saw replies such as

“God forbid”

“What if he’s impotent?”

“What if he’s a one minute noodle man?”

“I must test am oo, to avoid admin hide my identity”

“What if his manhood is the “office pin” size or it is as big as a tree trunk? I can’t allow somebody’s son to come and shift my womb”

And so on and so forth……

Out of about 10,000 comments from ladies, not up to 200 ladies said yes, that nothing justifies sex before marriage.

Seriously, my heart is heavy, how did we get here? I thought it is the men alone that they say are polygamous by nature? When did our young ladies join the bandwagon of fornicators? African women used to be very decent, what happened to our cultural heritage? Our mothers were not like this. They were not sleeping around as single ladies.
I learned that there was a time that after a man had married a woman and she’s met a virgin, a special celebration would be held to honour the woman. What happened to those kinds of beautiful cultural practices? How did we get to a stage where young ladies sleep around and come to the public to discuss it, then get praised?

Why should this type of topic even come up for debate? A topic that is supposed to have the same universal response if asked among sane people. It is like saying “can you walk naked to the market?”
Anyone who says yes to the question above would be taken as a mad person.

Listen, you’re a mad person if you think the right thing to do is to have sex with your partner before marriage for some reasons known to you. You’re mad with your belief. The devil has conquered your mind already.

Please which of the Holy Books support sex before marriage? Educate me abeg.

Dear parents, please and please, on no account should you buy an internet enabled phone for your child that is below 18, especially when you have not given him/her enough sex education. These Facebook hanties and uncles will teach them the wrong things ooo.
Imagine a teenager who is still naive and does not know what is right or wrong yet reading through that kind of post and seeing comments of matured ladies saying God forbid that they marry a man without having sex with him first. These young ones will innocently swallow hook, line and sinker, they would not even know that they have been misled.
Parents, as much as possible, teach your children about sex, and don’t allow them to be too exposed to social media. People are here teaching wrong things everyday. Please don’t let them learn on the social media.

I don’t want this post to be long, but I want to answer that trending question before I round up.

Dear single people, having sex with your partner before you marry him/her is not smartness at all. You think you’re wise? Well, that’s foolishness of the highest order!


You know why? It is because sex in marriage is not the same as sex between boyfriend and girl friend. The are two parallel lines. I’ll explain further.

Sex outside marriage is as fake as the heavy make-over ladies wear on their faces. Na pure scam.

1). There’s a lot of pretence between unmarried people, unlike married people that have nothing to hide for each other. Marriage is reality. Married people have seen the worst of themselves. They fake nothing!

2). Single guys always join that competition of trying to impress their ladies on bed. They achieve this sometimes, through artificial means such as taking sex enhancement pills, drinking herbs or even taking hard drugs before the act.
Hmmmm…… auntie, so you think it is natural that your boyfriend didn’t get the first orgasm after 2 hours? My sister, you have been apprehended! In the real sense, he’s using his strength + 100 others to sleep with you. I have been there before. I know what I am saying.

But in marriage, such things don’t happen. Married men only do what their natural strength can carry because they have no reason to act anything up. I believe that before married man would take a sex pill, it must be that a Doctor recommended it.


3). There’s a sense of belonging in marriage, there’s peace of mind that your wife is yours to keep forever, so there’s no need to rush anything. Youe wife is yours for as long as you breath. On my wedding day, I thought I would break the hotel bed I lodged when we leave reception ground and I bring in wife, but after the wedding reception, my mind was calm, all the “gra-gra” cleared from my head, I had peace that my wife would be with me FOREVER, and forever is too long to rush. I slept peacefully, nothing happened.

But you see during relationship, guys always faced with the fear of future uncertainties. Sometimes, they feel “what if she dumps me?” “Am I even the only one dating her?” And because of all these, they try to get sex as many times as they can, while it lasts. They know they have no legal right over a woman that they are not married to, so they steal the body each time they get a chance as their benefit.

4). Marriage comes with diverse challenges and responsibilities. Sometimes as a husband and the head of the house, your mind will be so preoccupied with important things that the last thing in your mind is to get an erection. This could go on for as long as a month but among the single people, boyfriends want to have sex everytime they see their girlfriends because they are still living in mirage, they have not started facing the realities of life. Once they sight their girlfriends coming, they’ve gotten a hard on already.

5). The biggest and most important of all points is that SEX OUTSIDE MARRIAGE IS A SIN. Having sex with some random strange ladies can ruin your destiny, it can turn you to a walking corpse. It is too risky!

You see guys, some wisdom are not necessary. As in, there’s no need trying to know some things – there’s no need trying to know the sexual capacity of your partner.

Imagine that as a lady, you have not had sex before and your husband too hasn’t till marriage, you guys will cope perfectly fine because both of you have not acquired the wisdom that will ruin your marriage. Whatever you are able to offer each other will be just enough.

I think another reason why you’re trying to cut corners by having sex with your partner is because you have refused to commit your relationship into the hands of God. You pray to God to bless you, you pray to Him to protect you. When you want to write exams, you pray to God to help you understand things you read. When you’re in problem, you pray to God to rescue you, but all of a sudden, you try to use your own abilities to run your relationship, your relationship is not God’s business. Do you know what I think? I think you’re doing that because you cannot maintain God’s standard in your relationship, and the fact that you’re living in guilt and self condemnation as a result of all the atrocities you have been committing in your relationship. You know that God has no hand in that kind of waywardness.

See ehn, It is right to have a boyfriend but it is wrong to have sex with your boyfriend, and God is not happy with fornication. Because you don’t want to play by the rules, you told God to excuse you and you’re using your own wisdom to solve the puzzles abi? You think you’re wise…..I shake my head for you.

Read my lips, after sleeping with all your boyfriends to test which one is the most compatible in terms of sex, you will still end up with the wrong husband. You used a wrong approach to select your man, you’ll definitely select the wrong man. And after marriage, you will be so disappointed to find out that sex is not even the ultimate, you’ll find out that sex is overated, you’ll realize that there are 1001 other important things than sex, and you will shake your head at how stupid you have been.

See my sister, trust God completely. God loves you more than you. He’s not a God that you will ask for bread and he will give you stone. God no go ever buy you oversize or undersize shoe. He knows the one that fits you perfectly. Once you have tabled your needs before him, go to sleep without worries. Stop trying to acquire unnecessary knowledge. There’s no reason that justifies pre-marital sex. Stay clean, stay undefiled, ask God what you want, get ready to follow his will for you, and see how lines fall into pleasant places for you, even without struggle.

Good morning lovely people.

©John Adesogan