What is Respect in relationship? Who should respect who?
An attitude of consideration or holding one in high regard can be seen as respect. And also having good opinion about someone , or honouring or admiring someone can also be termed as respect.
And on other occasion it could be politely relating with someone e.g in communication, greetings etc.
But it is so interesting to know that what a person termed as respect is so different to what another person see as respect. Our culture, exposure, education, and family background are great factors that dictate our code of respect.
My husband use to tell me this. “If you want to respect me, please give me your full attention when we are together” He so much hate me to be loosing concentration any time I’m with him. All other things must be suspended. To him that is respect. He will be at his happiest moment if I can do that. No calls, no receiving of calls, no chats, no disturbances from the children. He loves 100% attention!
And so, this means that he view respect through communication and “full” attention a lot. When he is talking with me, he always want me to listen with full and keen interest. To him, anything short of that means disrespect.
Now! I asked a brother one day, how do you want your wife to show respect to you? He said, “she must kneel down to greet me anytime she want to greet me. She must be able to kneel down to serve me my food too” Oh! Awesome! I don’t know how many men care about this too, but I know some men do not care about this, they have other expectations from their women as a form of respect.
Another man said, I don’t mind my wife call me by my first name, she does not disrespect me with that, while a brother told me that he can’t allow his wife ever to call him by his first name, it is so disrespectful.
A family man once told me, “my wife cannot obey simple instructions. I feel so disrespected any time she does this. I don’t even mind any of her shortcomings. But this!”
With these few examples, we can see surely that we have different views about respect.
Now, is it only a man that must be respected in a relationship? No! Respect must also steam from the man to his woman.
I am not a perfectionist like hubby, and to worsen the case I’m a hot sanguine. He can easily pick my mistakes and won’t let go until he point my attention to any of my mistakes. Oh! Let me commit 100 mistakes to my perfectionist in one day, I will expect the mistakes to be pointed out with love.
Not raising his voice, not angry at me, and not minding how many times he is pointing it out. I see it as a form of disrespect if he fall short of this. Kudos to him! He is really trying! (Smiles)
To some other ladies, it could be in other areas. But the most important thing here is that you must understand your partner’s code of respect. Respect go a long way to affect relationship either positively or negatively. To obey God’s injunction of the husband loving his wife and honouring her and also the wife’s submitting totally to her husband, Respecting one another is so paramount.
It is so impossible to obey these if respect is lacking.
If you see how some men shout at their wives as slaves, and give them terrible orders that they must obey, not minding their convenience, and to worsen the case some beat their wives. You will wonder why they got married to the woman in the first instance.
A women told me her husband gave her order not to go to bed until he is back each day. And he won’t come back until around 1 or 2 am at night everyday. If she do, she will receive the beating of her life. Another said she can’t eat on the dining table with her husband. She can only do when he is not there. Can we call these ways or kinds of respect? How did their situation generate to that extends?
And to some women, their husband cannot correct or control them. They can say anything to their husbands when angry.
Respecting one another in a relationship takes discipline. It must be a thing of the heart. This must be learnt and cultivated from the beginning of the relationship and right from courtship.
A lot of people take closeness as an opportunity to disrespect their spouses. And Because of this reason, some men prefer not to be close to their wives so that their respect can be intact. Some women too disrespect their husband for having better opportunities. Like jobs or wealth. This should not be so.
A lady told me how she lost her fiance on this premises. The guy always feel disrespected by the fiancee attitude. And he felt that she is proud and haughty just because she has a better job.
Let us note that either as married or singles in relationship, the code of respect our partners is a propelling power for love and understanding for a peaceful and a successful relationship.
Let us work hard in understanding this and making use of this for a fruitful relationship. God bless you for reading! Shalom!
Evang Kemi Longe