Dating and relationship tips

Your Relationship is not for Personal Pleasure

Sexual immorality is the number one issue that is destroying the success of Christian courtship in our society.

Sexual Purity in courtship must be your major goal in your relationship.
You must not compromise this because of the excitement of getting married to your fiancé/fiancée.

Your relationship is not for personal pleasure; it is for the purpose of fulfilling the plan of God for your life on earth.

Marriage is an honorable institution created by God for mankind; Courtship must be treated with respect, value and honor also. It must never be taken for granted.

How can you preserve Purity in your relationship?

1.Know your weaknesses.

Safeguards must be set up strategically.

Both you and your fiancé need to be aware of your weaknesses. You will need to be honest with one another about stumbling blocks in your relationship.

In Matthew 18:9, Jesus stated: “If your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away.”

That sounds pretty extreme! But that’s exactly the point Jesus was making. Jesus wants us to be harsh with the things that cause us to sin, literally cutting them out of our lives—even when it’s painful and difficult.

If there is an area of weakness that is compromising your purity, be honest with yourself and set up safeguards to protect your relationship.

2.Communicate with openness and honesty.

This honesty goes beyond telling each other the areas that need boundaries. Good relationships are built on constant positive communication. To walk in purity, you will need to continually assess your progress and ask one another how you can help maintain holiness.

Try not to take these conversations personally. If your fiancé says he can’t come to your apartment anymore because it’s too tempting to compromise, celebrate the fact that he wants to walk in purity! This kind of honesty and commitment honors God and honors you.

And if you’re the one who has to set boundaries, pray for your fiancé to have an understanding heart that appreciates your openness and commitment to holy living.

3. Avoid compromising situations.

When you love someone, almost any situation can become an opportunity to compromise. Love is meant to act as an “on-ramp”: As emotional love deepens, physical attraction grows. In marriage, that’s a beautiful thing. But in dating relationships we have to be very cautious.

Set up standards for your behavior as intending couples. If you know you’re tempted to go too far when you’re alone, stop meeting at one another’s apartments. Go on public dates in parks and coffee shops. Some couples even take separate cars to their dates in order to protect their purity. When you know your weaknesses, you can set up standards to counter any opportunity for compromise.

When my wife and I were dating, we knew that if we kissed, we’d go too far. In order to protect our purity, we had to make the radical decision to save our first kiss for our wedding day. It was difficult, and there were times we really struggled to keep our commitment. But we did it, and we don’t have any regrets.

Don’t allow yourself to be alone with him in a place where temptation is easily fostered. I know the questions would fly from left right and center. How can we date without being able to be alone so we can talk? How can we learn about one another without talking? You can talk in the open place. You do not need to be alone to talk. In fact, when you are alone together, you would not be talking. You would be consumed by feelings which would lead you to premarital sex unless you do the next best thing….

4.Make a promise to God, and daily renew your commitment. Decide where you’re going to draw the line, and tell God that with his help, you are not going to cross that line until marriage.

5. Sexual sin starts in the mind, so win the war there first by studying the Bible. Fill your mind with God’s Word. Maintain an intimate relationship with the Holy Spirit and you will never commit sin. If you are committed to sexual Purity, you need a Christian mentor who also have a close relationship with the Holy Spirit! Always keep in touch with your mentor.

6• Leave, run, escape – Be prepared and do please leave his apartment when you first notice that you are alone or the mood has started to change. In fact, the moment your conversation starts hanging, words become scarce and both of you start staring at each other. When he leaves where he was sitting and comes over by your side and starts breathing down those charged airs from his body. The moment he starts grabbing your hands. The moments his friends who were all with both of you start leaving, it is also time for you to leave.

This is the time to leave, run and escape, whichever is applicable with your circumstances.

7. Pray together

Be prayerful, be watchful. Jesus says “watch and pray that ye may not fall into temptation…”

The best way to protect your purity is to pray together. As you lift your relationship up to God, you are inviting Him into your love story. God’s role in your story will be instrumental in keeping you on a path of holiness.

Why is this important? Pure relationships are free from the guilt and regret that inevitably come with sexual compromise. They also promote a God-centric foundation for marriage and strengthen the emotional bond without physical distraction. In other words, it’s worth the effort to protect your purity.

It’s not always easy, but it’s God’s design. God blesses those who follow His plan for relationships. By upholding purity, you’re reflecting Christ not only in your relationship, but also into your world.

8. Being spiritual is not an immunity to sexual temptation. A holy man or woman can fall into sexual immorality if he/she gets careless. There’s nothing like super-Christian; always ensure you make the atmosphere around you sin-proof. Make it difficult for yourself to commit sin; and whenever it seems you are overwhelmed by the temptation, look around there will be a way to escape!

9. If you are committed to sexual Purity, ask your partner, “excuse me! In case you misbehave, who can I report you to?” That is one of the litmus tests to show if your partner will be sincere with you or not. A good Christian will not do anything to hide sin but to always expose it. If he or she tells you not to report them when they are wrong, your relationship will likely be infected with sexual immorality and may not survive into marriage.

10. Whenever you notice you have sinned, confess your sins immediately to God and ask for forgiveness and cleansing from all unrighteousness. God will surely forgive you. Then, confess what you did to someone else too so that you can be healed from the wound the sin might have created and prevent a repeat. Never join or help your partner to hide their sin.

I John 1:9 declares, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our
sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

God is ready to forgive any sin, no matter how vile and offensive it is as soon as we
confess our sin to Him. He loves us that much (1 John 1:9; Rom.1 0: 10)

God doesn’t encourage us to sin, but He lets us know that if we do sin, we have an
Advocate with the Father; Jesus is that Advocate (1 John 2:1).

Sexual sins are very grave matters in God’s sight; but he is very willing to forgive the
sex offender.

11. Get married as quickly as possible.

1Cor 7:2 Nevertheless, [to avoid] fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

1Cor 7:9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

May the good Lord preserve us in holiness before Him all the days of our lives in Jesus name. Amen.

God bless you

Pst Samuel Olagbenjo